I am blogging everyday (or nearly everyday) on The Daily Stoic.
What do I really want? What am I actually after here?
I feel like this has been me for quite some time. I am starting to come around on certain things and accept me for me. Weight is an example. I’d like to be 20 pounds lighter than I am. I work out. I ate health in both the literal and figurative sense. I like what I like. To get back down I’d have to either workout more or give up some of the things I’m consuming. The issue is that I enjoy some of the things I’m consuming. Body weight is an image thing that I really don’t have to worry about anymore, so I’m not willing to put in the extra time either. That would be time taken away from my kids, spouse, and friends. I’m starting to accept that.
I’m trying to figure out what I really want in my career. I’ve reached my goals. I don’t need to advance anymore, yet I struggle internally with not doing this or that or putting in the effort I’m used to. I feel like I’m trying to learn how to live, but I’m not satisfied. I like the sense of accomplishment and doing things, yet I can pull back a bit. I’ve been asking what do I really want and I don’t have a good answer. It’s very frustrating