I am blogging everyday (or nearly everyday) on The Daily Stoic.

Saturday - The Long Way Around

The stoic discusses aspirations and goals. The why of those goals is usually freedom, happiness, or respect of peers. The thing is that we already have a lot of that. If we don’t we can make choices towards those objectives. It’s already right in front of us. I’m starting to come to this realization myself, as I continue my quest towards finding purpose. The purpose I have is right in front of me. I don’t need to take the long way around or have some big thing to focus on. I can focus on the here and now and live life.

I told myself that when I retire I’ll pick up golf. That’s what retired folks do. Within the last month I’ve decided why not start now? I’ve got a buddy who really enjoys playing. I’m at a good place in my career that I don’t have as many financial worries as I used to. I can start the process of retirement now.

Yesterday - The Truly Educated Aren’t Quarrelsome

This goes along with getting angry. We make the decision to get angry. No one makes us angry. In discussions with others of an opposing view, it’s much more productive to ask the questions instead of telling the other person what it is. Have a curiosity about a person’s view point is much more interesting and makes the conversation much more productive. It’s something I have to remind myself from time to time.

Today - The Wise Don’t Have “Problems”

Just listen seems to be the message for the stoic today. It’s similar to the previous one only this time we should remain quiet and listen after asking a questions. A good example is a spouse venting. Early in my marriage I would try to fix the problem. Only to escalate the situation. My wife didn’t want me to fix it, she wanted me to listen. It’s a lot like the YouTube video below. It might seem obvious but it’s not. I wish we could do more of that on social media sites.

I am blogging everyday (or nearly everyday) on The Daily Stoic.

May 26 - Blow Your Own Nose

Feeling wronged or sorry for myself does not allow me to move forward. There was a time when I had the worst six months of my life. I was in the Navy living off base. My roommate suddenly bailed on me without warning. This forced me to pay rent on a two bedroom apartment for the remaining six months I was in town. My girlfriend left me during this time and I went to Captain’s Mast at the end of it. There were moments of self-pity, but there was also self-reflection.

The reason my girlfriend left me was because I didn’t know how to talk to women. I had an idea and no true knowledge. I started studying how to talk to women. That had the benefit of making me more confident and down the path of self-improvement in general. Captain’s Mast was also a lesson in work ethic. I had been late and gotten away with too much slackery. At the time it sucked and ultimately a turning point in my life.

May 27 - When to Stick and When to Quit

The example is standing in a line at a store waiting to check out. I’m the type of person that like the most efficient line. I calculate the employee and patron before choosing a line. Sometimes it works some times it doesn’t. I will often make it worse. I definitely won’t just stay in a slow line.

The stoic suggests waiting until there’s a clear advantage to switching. We are not expected to stay a course that clearly needs an adjustment. We also don’t need to bail constantly and indulge ourselves.

May 28 - Finding the Right Mentors

Mentors don’t have to be someone we know personally. They can be someone we admire. In high school I read a lot Stephen E. Ambrose. I read Band of Brothers and Citizen Soldier. The men I read about were my role models and now mentors.

I’m reading Bossypant by Tina Fey. I’m finding her writing enlightening and applicable to my life. I listen to podcasts about management and self improvement. I can be a mentee without truly having to connect with someone in person. That is an encouraging proposition.

May 29 - Brick by Boring Brick

Small actions are what set us on our path. Reaching goals and objectives require lots of small action. Project management does this with their assigned tasks.

May 30 - Solve Problems Early

Bad habits can become worse. The longer I wait to take action the harder it is to adjust those habits. Smoking took me several years to quit. Indulgence in video games made it harder to cut back when I had kids. One benefit to have those is that I have overcome the struggle and know I can do it for other things.

I don’t know that not having those habits made me a worse person. Ideally I would have never started and I think I’m a better person because of the struggle.

May 31 - You Can Do It

Two thought processes: why them? why not me? or if they can do it, why can’t I? I can’t remember when I’ve had a thought like the first one. I’ve always felt like I can control my own destiny. I’ve been jealous and never felt like I couldn’t do something similar. If I can’t accomplish something I will move on to something else. What else am I going to do?

June 1 - Just Don’t Make Things Work

If you find yourself in a hole stop digging. Anger is usually not a response that is helpful. When I used to write for a sports blog I wrote one piece that was quite controversial. I decided to engage in the comments as I did I kept digging a deeper hole. I had just learned the advice: don’t read the comments. Letting it go is the best way forward.

June 2 - A Trained Mind is Better Than Any Script

Teach a man to fish and he can feed himself. This is something I try to teach the people at work. Mostly troubleshooting. I can usually figure out the problem quickly. Instead of giving the answer I ask questions. This causes a bit of friction because most want the answer. I’m not quite sure how to it without friction.

June 3 - Life is a Battlefield

Fighting against impulses. Discipline, fortitude, courage, clear headedness, selflessness, sacrifice all require perspective and can often be difficult to maintain. It’s the battlefield. As a manager politics can be a battlefield we have to navigate. It will put the above practices to the test. A year later I feel I have a better grasp of the battlefield and how to apply the practices above. It’s still hard.

June 4 - Try The Other Handle

Trying the other handle is about being open to other ideas. Pulling the same handle that dumps water on you doesn’t help keep you dry. Trying the other handle may open the door to towels. I’m having to constantly think about the otherside. Within politics at work I will run up against road blocks. Railing against them with the same handle hasn’t been productive. I’m now starting to think of other handles to pull.

June 5 - Listening Accomplishes More Than Speaking

The wise have few problems. They accomplish this by the following manage expectation. Rarely accept what isn’t possible. Early in the coronavirus I saw a lot of expectation of things blowing over in weeks. At the worst a month. Three months later things are just now opening up. For working from home, I set a personal expectations of the end of the year before going back. That is working more and more likely with each passing month.

Consider both the best and worst case. I have been told I focus on the worst case more. That tends to get me spun up. Act with a reverse clause. Consider what might go wrong and be prepared for that to be what they want. This is a huge change in mindset as things are set in motion that I spend energy trying to stop. It’s better for that than spending energy to be put towards the wrong thing happening and excelling because of it.

June 6 - No Shame In Needing Help

This is a concept I’ve always held. I will ask for help if needed. I don’t expect to go alone at it. I think help can be many forms. Person to person and Google. When I struggle with something I will look for resources to help.

June 7 - Offense or Defense

Offense is trying to beat something (in this case fortune) into submissions. Defense is the opportunity to tame our greed and fears. I am currently working through this at work. I have gone on the offensive with little to show for it. Now I think is the time to try defense.

June 8 - Prepared and Active

Let fate find us prepared and active. I haven’t done a good job of preparing for disappointment. I don’t know if it’s the good I try to see in people or the expectaation that people think like me. It’s frustrated me when decisions are made that create this disappointment. I am starting to prepare for this more and more. I need to be prepared to find a solution to the disappointment and not worry so much about the past.

June 9 - Stay Focused on the Present

It can be counterproductive to look at the big picture when we’re dealing with things in the present. Too many what ifs can enter and cause frustration, fear, and anguish. I’m trying to forget the past more, not worry so much about the future, and instead focus on what’s in front of me. What I can control in the here and now.

Yesterday - Calm is Contagious

Be the calm for others you have influence over. I’ve noticed in the work environment that teams are a reflection of their leader. I’ve noticed this in my own team. When I get fired up or whiny about something it has a habit of transferring to my teams attitude about things. I’ve worked on remaining more calm and setting a better tone with my team and the other people around me.

Today - Take a Walk

One of the things I instituted when I started working from home was to take a walk at least once a day. Prefrrably two. It’s worked wonders for my mental health. I have noticed the days where I don’t get out for a walk. I feel pent up and weighed down. When I recognize that feeling and step outside, I feel refreshed and the weight lifted off me. It’s great for problem solving and just chatting with people. I usually spend this time catching up with the people that report to me. With no agenda or anywhere to go we usually accomplish quite a bit.