I am blogging everyday (or nearly everyday) on The Daily Stoic.

Monday - Attachments Are The Enemy

I’m dealing with an attachment. I think it’s an attachment to how things used to be and how they are today. Things have changed since I joined my current place of employment but I’m still holding onto some things from when I was hired. I enjoyed what I was doing and in fact I adjusted. Today things are much different. I adapted but there’s still some sort of vision I’m holding on to.

That’s causing me to stay awake right now. I’m thinking through something and I can’t let it go. I’m attached to the idea. It’s emotional. There’s nothing I can really do about it.

Yesterday - Train To Let Go Of What’s Not Yours

I had to deal with the lose of some of my responsibilities. I was hired on to work with developers. Their were 50. After a two year period they were down to five. I felt like I adjusted well to that. I’ve stuck with the company despite my role being reduced significantly. That’s changed over the last year as we’ve brought on more developers. I now want to get back into it but things have changed. How people view me has changed. I’m actually now trying to regain something I’ve lost. Maybe I need to continue to adjust to that and recognize that what’s coming back isn’t the same thing.

Today - Funny How That Works Out

I’m currently going through a significant point in my life at work. I know it’s a point because it’s emotionally charged. It sucks. It’s an awful thing and it’s multi-faceted. I’m dealing with the fact that I’ve just impacted some people’s livelihood. It’s happened before and I remember those times. In this case these people aren’t necessarily doing anything wrong and I’m powerless to help. In fact the position I’m in probably brought about doom sooner. I’m trying to remember that it would have been discovered either way. It doesn’t take away the impact I feel I’ve caused. This will be an experience to learn from. I’ve already noted that there are questions I can ask ahead of time.

It’s a real shitty time and it’s something to learn from. I don’t know how things will work out but they really suck right now. The other thing is questioning my own place at work. I’ve been at this place the longest out of any place I’ve been. I’m struggling with seeing a lot of faults and not enough of the good things. They keep adding up and I’m trying to figure out if that’s me or if it’s the company. I have certain expectations and standards so I feel like it’s unbiased but I’m wondering if it’s emotional or the fact that I like doing new things constantly.